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Trying to quiet my mind
Jun. 10th, 2021 10:59 amCW: brains working against you, anxiety, sex, spanking
My brain is constantly whirring and normally that is fine as it bounce from figuring out what dinner will be, making sure I don't need to make any doctor appointments for me or the kiddo, trying to come up with a better solution for a work problem.
But sometime intense worry or anxiety or shame or guilt grab the microphone and then my mind is not a good place.
I have tried meditation and other mindful things. But I have a very hard time with them. Sometime activities like coloring or knitting are not enough to keep these thoughts at bay. Sometimes I need someone else to step in and help me.
I have been interested in BDSM for basically as long as I have been sexually active. For me it is mostly the trust in the other person, being able to give up control to someone who while they may test your boundaries are always looking out for you. I have been very fortunate that my husband also has a interest and we have been able to communicate on what we both need and want.
Over the years we have figured out that sometimes after something intensely stressful (such as when I found out one of my coworkers was stealing and had opened numerous accounts in my name) I need him to take control and let me submit to him. For me I am finally able to empty my mind and focus on the current present only.
This past week my anxiety has been bubbling up which has led to me having trouble sleeping and focusing. After talking with my husband about why I thought this was happening, I told him I needed to give up control to him.
So that is why I spent a night leaning over a desk while he spanked me, used a wooden spoon and belt on my ass. Plus there was some tracing lines on my back with an unknown to me object. I was able to keep all my wondering thoughts at bay, and focus in only on the current moment. I was listening for his movements, I felt the desk under my arms and his hands on me. My brain was not aware of anything that was outside the 5 foot bubble that we were in.
I think we were both a bit surprised when he tried to stand me up and without the desk's support I just puddled onto the floor. But he was there for me and caught me and lowered me to the floor.
Afterwards we both were checking in on each other. Checking to see how we were both feeling, what we liked, what we didn't like.
After the clean up, I was able to go to bed and sleep soundly for the first time in a week. Feeling safe and centered.
My brain is constantly whirring and normally that is fine as it bounce from figuring out what dinner will be, making sure I don't need to make any doctor appointments for me or the kiddo, trying to come up with a better solution for a work problem.
But sometime intense worry or anxiety or shame or guilt grab the microphone and then my mind is not a good place.
I have tried meditation and other mindful things. But I have a very hard time with them. Sometime activities like coloring or knitting are not enough to keep these thoughts at bay. Sometimes I need someone else to step in and help me.
I have been interested in BDSM for basically as long as I have been sexually active. For me it is mostly the trust in the other person, being able to give up control to someone who while they may test your boundaries are always looking out for you. I have been very fortunate that my husband also has a interest and we have been able to communicate on what we both need and want.
Over the years we have figured out that sometimes after something intensely stressful (such as when I found out one of my coworkers was stealing and had opened numerous accounts in my name) I need him to take control and let me submit to him. For me I am finally able to empty my mind and focus on the current present only.
This past week my anxiety has been bubbling up which has led to me having trouble sleeping and focusing. After talking with my husband about why I thought this was happening, I told him I needed to give up control to him.
So that is why I spent a night leaning over a desk while he spanked me, used a wooden spoon and belt on my ass. Plus there was some tracing lines on my back with an unknown to me object. I was able to keep all my wondering thoughts at bay, and focus in only on the current moment. I was listening for his movements, I felt the desk under my arms and his hands on me. My brain was not aware of anything that was outside the 5 foot bubble that we were in.
I think we were both a bit surprised when he tried to stand me up and without the desk's support I just puddled onto the floor. But he was there for me and caught me and lowered me to the floor.
Afterwards we both were checking in on each other. Checking to see how we were both feeling, what we liked, what we didn't like.
After the clean up, I was able to go to bed and sleep soundly for the first time in a week. Feeling safe and centered.
