Something on my mind
Jun. 24th, 2021 11:13 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
knit1purr2CW: TERF, unsupportive family, transphobia
have seen a lot of talk about "Trans Widows" which seems to be women whose spouse transitioned or have come to realize they are not cis men after they have been married. And they are mad about it. I have not done a lot of looking into what they are saying is the reasoning into this (seems to be a lot of TERF-ness going on). But I have a few thoughts and wanted to get them out.
Note: These are just my thoughts as a bi cis woman married to a pan cis man. We have have conversations together about all sorts of what ifs, including what if one of us was not cis.
First off, if the only reason you married someone is because of their genitals that is not a great reason to get married. I hope that everyone in a long term relationship has lots of things (physical and not) that they enjoy about their spouse. Yes I enjoy sex with my husband, but I also enjoy playing games with with. I love the way that he gets excited when telling me about a problem that he was worked his way through. I enjoy doing home improvement projects with him. Honestly most of the traits that I enjoy are personality based rather then physical.
Secondly, everyone grows and changes throughout a long term relationship, some of this is physical, some emotional, some mental. I am a different person then I was when I first met my husband and he is different too. The issues comes not because of the change but how the individuals react and handle it.
Thirdly, I think that there is still a lot of issues with people getting stuck in a binary way of thinking. Clothes and hair and accessories are not gendered. People should try new things and not get stuck in limiting it to a gender. Wearing nail polish does not make a man less then a man. If you like bright colors on your nails or eyelids or hair, do it!
Also so much of this talk is focusing on the spouse or the family of the transgender individual rather then that individual. Like yes it would be hard to adjust to all of this, but it has to be much harder to live it. So if you are having trouble processing all of this, go to therapy and work it out yourself. Don't yell about this on the internet. This is a wider problem, where those around the marginalized person get more attention/support then the marginalized person. But that is a rant for another day.
I can't say for certain the way I would react if my husband told me that he was something other then a cis man. But I would like to think that we would talk about it and figure out what would be best for him. I would want to support him and keep him in our children's lives and mine. He is such an important person to me and yes it probably would change our relationship, but I can't imagine my life without him.
This was just something that I have been thinking about and it needed to get out of my brain so that I could focus on other things.
have seen a lot of talk about "Trans Widows" which seems to be women whose spouse transitioned or have come to realize they are not cis men after they have been married. And they are mad about it. I have not done a lot of looking into what they are saying is the reasoning into this (seems to be a lot of TERF-ness going on). But I have a few thoughts and wanted to get them out.
Note: These are just my thoughts as a bi cis woman married to a pan cis man. We have have conversations together about all sorts of what ifs, including what if one of us was not cis.
First off, if the only reason you married someone is because of their genitals that is not a great reason to get married. I hope that everyone in a long term relationship has lots of things (physical and not) that they enjoy about their spouse. Yes I enjoy sex with my husband, but I also enjoy playing games with with. I love the way that he gets excited when telling me about a problem that he was worked his way through. I enjoy doing home improvement projects with him. Honestly most of the traits that I enjoy are personality based rather then physical.
Secondly, everyone grows and changes throughout a long term relationship, some of this is physical, some emotional, some mental. I am a different person then I was when I first met my husband and he is different too. The issues comes not because of the change but how the individuals react and handle it.
Thirdly, I think that there is still a lot of issues with people getting stuck in a binary way of thinking. Clothes and hair and accessories are not gendered. People should try new things and not get stuck in limiting it to a gender. Wearing nail polish does not make a man less then a man. If you like bright colors on your nails or eyelids or hair, do it!
Also so much of this talk is focusing on the spouse or the family of the transgender individual rather then that individual. Like yes it would be hard to adjust to all of this, but it has to be much harder to live it. So if you are having trouble processing all of this, go to therapy and work it out yourself. Don't yell about this on the internet. This is a wider problem, where those around the marginalized person get more attention/support then the marginalized person. But that is a rant for another day.
I can't say for certain the way I would react if my husband told me that he was something other then a cis man. But I would like to think that we would talk about it and figure out what would be best for him. I would want to support him and keep him in our children's lives and mine. He is such an important person to me and yes it probably would change our relationship, but I can't imagine my life without him.
This was just something that I have been thinking about and it needed to get out of my brain so that I could focus on other things.
